12 Reasons Why A Guy Never Texts First, But Always Replies (2023)

12 Reasons Why A Guy Never Texts First, But Always Replies (1)

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We’ve all been there before – things are going really well with the guy we’re seeing, we have great conversations, and stay up texting all night.

But, you soon notice that you’re the one starting all the chats. You always message him first and, even though he always replies to you, he never initiates things!

It’s confusing and frustrating, right?

Well, luckily, we’ve decoded what this means so that you don’t have to worry anymore…

1. He’s playing games.

We’re not saying all guys are players, but this is a very common reasonfor guys not texting first.

He might be playing mind games with you and just enjoying the ego boost of you showing you’re interested in him.

It’s annoying when guys do this and it can be really confusing, but it’s worth bearing in mind that he’s just playing games with you.

Try to stop being the first to text a few times and – if he cares about you – he’ll soon come running back, worried that you’ve moved on!

And if he doesn’t, well… you’ll know how he feels and where you stand.

(Video) He Never Texts Me First But Always Replies RIG [29]

2. He’s actually quite shy.

There’s such a stereotype of macho men having no feelings and just being all ego.

But, you need to consider the fact that he might just be shy!

He might not have dated much before, or he might be quite self-conscious and unsure of how to start good conversations and keep you interested in him.

He’s letting you take the lead and set the pace, and probably thinks this is the safest option.

3. He’s got his barriers up.

Just like some women, this guy may have been hurt in the past and now fear rejection.

We sometimes forget that men are pretty much just like women when it comes to this kind of thing.

Dating is hard, and so many of us worry about whether we’ll be liked in real life and not just on Tinder. We panic that the person we really like might not actually like us that much and is going to reject us.

So, we put our guards up and we withdraw a bit. It’s a self-defense measure and, while it’s not that healthy, it is very common.

He might not text first because he’s worried about putting himself out there, but will always reply to you because he genuinely is interested!

4. He doesn’t want to seem needy.

In a similar vein to the point above – he might have been criticized by an ex for being really needy or clingy.

Once you’ve been accused of that, you’re pretty likely to pull back a lot and try to play it cool.

If he’s keen to talk once you’ve started the conversation, but he never texts you first, he probably likes you, but he’s trying to be reserved and hold back a bit!

5. He’s intimidated by you.

If he doesn’t text first, but always replies, he might be feeling a bit intimidated by you.

After all, you start conversations with such fun and interesting messages! That’s scary to some men who are used to being ‘in control’ when they’re dating.

(Video) 10 Reasons Why She Never Text First But Always Respond

If they’ve never had a girl be brave enough to double text or message them first, they might not be sure how to handle it.

They’re likely a bit nervous about how to play things and want to make sure they impress you. They’re letting you take the lead, but they’re definitely still interested in you.

6. Your conversations aren’t that exciting.

At some point, whether you’re texting before a first date or messaging your boyfriend of 3 years, things can get boring.

It’s normal! We can’t be doing exciting, text-worthy things all the time, so conversations might shift to being about how well you slept, a photo of your breakfast, and an update on the person at work that you hate.

It’s great that you still want to talk to each other and share things, but it might be getting a bit boring.

If your chats lately have been pretty dull, they might have taken a little step back.

It doesn’t mean they don’t like you, they’re probably just waiting until they have something exciting enough to share with you!

7. He might be seeing someone else.

This one hurts, but it might be true.

If he’s not engaging with you and doesn’t start conversations very often, he might be distracted by another person.

If you’ve agreed that it’s okay to see other people, you’re allowed to feel upset, but you can’t really tell him off for it.

It’s rubbish, but it would explain why he’s a bit absent with you and never makes the effort to message you first.

8. He’s not looking for anything serious.

Some guys like to keep things casual – that means they don’t get attached, they don’t get too deep, and they don’t really invest much time or energy into their ‘relationships.’

If he never makes the effort to text you first, he might not want to give you the wrong impression. He’s staying a bit detached because he doesn’t want things to get too emotionally intimate or intense with you.

It’s upsetting if this is the case, but it also helps you figure out where you stand.


Either you stick with it and accept that he won’t care about you in the way you want him to, or you realize you want more and find someone else.

9. He’s actually busy!

What, men can genuinely just be too busy to text?!

Jokes aside, this is a very real reason for him not messaging you first.

Have you ever been super busy, seen a text come through, thought “I’ll reply to that later” and then totally forgotten to ever get back to them? It really does happen!

We get so stressed thinking about all the possible reasons a guy isn’t replying to us, but the most obvious one is often overlooked.

It’s frustrating, but it’s also okay that you’re not his priority at all times. You can let him know how it makes you feel, but you can’t expect someone to reply within 2 minutes every time – or to message first every time.

He might be busy with lots of other things, or just feeling really stressed and insular.

10. You’re not giving him a chance.

Let’s say you sent him the latest message in a conversation. A bit later, you want to chat to him again but he’s not sent a message to start the conversation.

It can be annoying – but it might be because your last message shut things down!

If you’re not giving him open chances to start conversations or keep talking, he’s probably feeling confused and has withdrawn a bit.

Nobody wants to bother someone who is coming across as busy and annoyed over text!

Have a re-read of your messages and make sure you’re not accidentally shutting things down or giving off the vibe that you’re not interested in talking to him!

11. It seems normal to him.

I had this exact issue with an ex and, one day, got really upset with him because I felt like I was always the one making the effort to chat or FaceTime.

His response? He figured that it was working really well and that we were both on the same page!

(Video) What To Do If You ALWAYS Text First 📲| COCO Chanou

At first, I was so confused – how could he think this was normal and okay?! And then I realized that that was just how things had always been between us!

He’s not much of a texter, so I had always been the one to message first. To him, that was just how things worked, a nice habit and a ‘system,’ if you like, that we were both happy with. Why would he think it was an issue if I’d never told him, after all?

Maybe your man just thinks that this is how things work between you – you text first, he replies. Why would he change something that he thinks is working, especially if you’ve never told him you don’t like it?

Someone has to text first, right?

12. He’s just not that into you – sorry!

If you haven’t seen the movie He’s Just Not That Into You already, we’re prescribing it as homework! The movie essentially carries the message that if a guy is into you, he’ll find a way to be with you.

If he’s not texting you first, he might not be that bothered about pursuing things with you.

It hurts to be rejected, but it’s also great to finally realize that he isn’t as fussed about you as you are about him!

It will take a little while to get over, but it’s great to know where you stand so that you can move forwards.

He might reply to you just out of politeness or awkwardness, but if you’re getting a weird gut feeling, you need to chat with him about where things are going.

It could be any of the reasons above, of course – we’re not saying you’re doomed! – but he also might not text first because he doesn’t care enough to.

You’ll find someone who can’t wait to share things with you, who double-texts you, and is happy to let you know how much he likes you, don’t worry.

Are you unsure what to do about this guy and his unwillingness to text first? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.

You may also like:

  • If He Texts You Every Day But Doesn’t Call, Here’s Why
  • 10 Clear Signs A Man Is Serious About You
  • 18 Signs He’s Not That Into You And It’s Time To Move On
  • 6 Things To Do If A Guy/Girl Ghosts You And Then Comes Back
  • 7 Tips For Having The “Where Is This Going?” Relationship Talk With A Guy


Why doesn t he text me first but always replies? ›

He could just be busy. If he's having a busy time at work or with his other personal life, he might not be able to text you first all the time. It also means you're not really a priority to him. Guys who text you first are making you a priority.

Why does he always respond to my texts quickly? ›

Quick responses generally mean he likes you.

If he responds to your messages quickly all the time, it's a great sign he's interested. Try this: Ask him: “What're you up to?” and check both how fast he replies and what he says.

Can a guy like you and not text that much? ›

Can he? Yes, very much so. He could be scared of texting you too much and coming across as desperate. So he may not be texting you because he does not want to come across that way.

How long should a guy go without texting you? ›

Give it a few days (or even a week).

It might feel tough waiting for him to text you, but your crush might truly be busy and unable to respond to your messages right away. Waiting 2–3 days or up to a week before reaching out gives him a chance to text you first once he realizes what he's missing.

What is dry texting? ›

Dry texting is what happens when someone sends you short replies that don't move the conversation forward. It usually consists of one-word answers like the dreaded 'K,' says dating coach Alexis Germany.

How do you tell if he's not into you? ›

25 Signs He Is Not Into You
  • He never initiates contact. ...
  • He takes his sweet time to respond to your messages. ...
  • He doesn't pay attention when you speak. ...
  • He calls off plans with you all the time. ...
  • He is interested in other women. ...
  • He avoids discussing the future with you. ...
  • He hasn't opened up to you.
Feb 13, 2023

How often will a guy text you if he is interested? ›

There are no specific times a guy should text you when he likes you, but he must be consistent. A guy who genuinely likes you will text you at least once a day. Also, after a discussion about getting to know each other, he will randomly text to check up on you and text you good morning and good night.

Do guys like fast replies? ›

Out of 132 people who participated, 89% (118 people) voted that texting back quickly is a TURN-ON and 11% (14 people) voted TURN-OFF. One voter let me know she tapped “off” by accident so these results are slightly skewed, but still—the results are clearly in favor of texting back fast being a turn on.

Do guys text a lot when they like you? ›

How guys text when they like you can vary, (and dating tips for texting will vary depending who you ask), but texting every day is a sure sign that you are on the same page. If a guy texts you every day, even if you're the one initiating conversation, he is definitely interested. Remember to take hints as well.

Why is he not texting me like before? ›

A guy may not text you for various reasons. He might be genuinely busy with his life, or something important must be going on with him. However, if you don't hear from him for over a week, he might not be into you anymore and is probably ignoring you.

Why doesn't he contact me if he likes me? ›

There may be a number of reasons why he hasn't called — perhaps there are logistical barriers, such as his phone is broken; personal reasons, such as being too busy to call; personality traits, such as being shy or not wanting to talk on the phone; or it could be that he's no longer interested in continuing the ...

How do I get him to text me more often? ›

How to Make a Guy Text You Everyday
  1. Ask him about his day.
  2. Pose a few fun, open-ended questions.
  3. Bring up your common interests.
  4. Flatter him with a compliment.
  5. Be a little mysterious.
  6. Send him a few pics.
  7. Make plans to meet up in person.
  8. Have a reason for texting him.
Feb 4, 2022

Should I text him if he's not texting me? ›

After you've left it for a decent amount of time, you can consider sending a casual text simply to check in with him. There's nothing wrong with this and it can help you get a little closure. If he's ghosting you for a reason, then it gives him an opportunity to speak up and share what's going on.

What is cold texting? ›

Cold texting is reaching out via SMS to a contact without their prior consent or permission. It's similar to cold calling and cold emailing. Some examples that would lead to cold texting include: Purchasing a contact list from a third party. Finding customers' phone information online.

What is the meaning of cold replies? ›

not affectionate, cordial, or friendly; unresponsive: a cold reply; a cold reception.

How do you test if he is into me? ›

22 Subtle Signs A Guy Likes You, From Dating Experts
  1. He leans toward you during conversation. ...
  2. He angles his body toward you in the room. ...
  3. He finds small ways to compliment you. ...
  4. He makes eye contact. ...
  5. He steals a glance at you. ...
  6. He singles you out in a group. ...
  7. He seems drawn to you in the room.
Nov 26, 2021

How do you know you're not a priority to him? ›

7 Signs You're Not A Priority In Your Relationship & How To Change That
  • They Rarely Text You Or Initiate Conversation First. ...
  • They Forget To Tell You About The Important Life Decisions They've Made. ...
  • They Never Invite You To Family Events. ...
  • They Don't Take Special Occasions Seriously. ...
  • They Only Make Plans With You Last Minute.
Mar 26, 2018

How do you know if a guy just wants to be friends? ›

7 Signs He Wants to Be Just Friends
  1. He Invites Other People to Hang Out with You Guys.
  2. His Emails Are Friendly, But to-the-Point.
  3. He Never Texts You First.
  4. He'll Ask You For Advice on Girls.
  5. He'll Ask to Hang Out Day-of.
Jul 11, 2011

Is it desperate to text a guy twice? ›

Double-texting, or messaging two times before someone responds, is viewed as taboo in modern dating. While double-texting can feel bad, therapists say there is no rule for how much you should text. If you feel bad about double-texting, put your phone down and let the other person reply at their own pace.

What does it mean when a guy slows down texting you? ›

If your dude has slowed down his responses to your texts or if he's not returning your calls, there's a good chance that he's being a wuss and slowly making an exit. "The guy may start to communicate less, so no more good morning text messages, shortened responses and fewer details about his life," explains Ritter.

How do you tell if a guy likes you more than a friend through text? ›

21 Signs He Likes You
  1. He Texts Back Immediately. Save. ...
  2. He Wishes You Weren't Just Texting. ...
  3. He Talks About Things You Both Would Be Doing If He Were There. ...
  4. He Lets You Know If He Can't Text Back Right Now. ...
  5. He Often Uses Flirty Emojis. ...
  6. He Likes Hearing Your Stories. ...
  7. He Wants To Know More About You. ...
  8. He Writes You Long Texts.
Jan 10, 2023

What texts do guys like to receive? ›

The 5 texts guys love to receive:
  • The Ball Is In Your Court Text. “Last night was fun. ...
  • The Give Me Advice Text. “I need new headphones, do you have any suggestions?”
  • The Short and Sweet Text. “I work till 6. ...
  • The Pick the Place Text. “Do you want to meet at Smitty's at 6 tomorrow for Happy Hour?” ...
  • The Sexy Text.
Jun 14, 2018

Why do guys give dry replies? ›

He might be busy, he might not like texting, or he might not be into you. Dry texting is incredibly frustrating, but try to be patient for the first couple of short texts or long response times. If he starts the conversation up again or starts sending more detailed messages, he was probably just busy.

Are late replies attractive? ›

Are late replies attractive? Well science says making the other person wait for your reply will increase your attractiveness and it's all down to 'reward uncertainty'. Psychologists have conducted studies on lab animals involving a reward system and monitored how the animals reacted.

What does XOXO mean from a guy? ›

XOX, or XOXO, means hugs and kisses, with the x representing kisses and the o representing hugs. It's usually used as a lighthearted way of expressing affection, sincerity, or deep friendship. Related words: cross mark emoji.

How he texts when he likes you? ›

If he responds quickly, compliments you, asks questions to get to know you, gives you nicknames, sends long texts, and texts you throughout the day, he may be interested in you. Guys may send texts for no reason and initiate conversations when they like a girl.

What he thinks when you don t text him? ›

1 He thinks you're busy. 2 He's trying to brush it off. 3 He might think you're playing “hard to get.” 4 He's worried you're ignoring him because you're upset.

Should I stop texting him to make him miss me? ›

The best way to make a guy miss you is to pull away. Refrain from texting or calling him for the smallest things. If you reach out to him constantly, he does not have any chance to miss you. Instead, give your special person a reason and some time to miss you.

Is he busy or ignoring me? ›

If you're not sure if he's ignoring you or just busy, try texting him something more interesting. A “hey” is like, asking to be ignored. Even if we weren't busy, we'd find something to do just to not respond to a “hey.” But, hey, he might just be busy. The only way to find out is to stop being so boring.

How many days is ghosting? ›

Well, in short, just three days. While every relationship is different, three days is enough time to consider yourself ghosted. Sure, everyone has emergencies or can come up with a valid excuse for not responding, but letting things linger for three days or longer is enough to categorise it as a ghosted situation.

What if he doesn't text me first? ›

“When someone you're with isn't texting you first, it could be a warning sign that they're losing interest,” adds Masini. “This is especially true during the first few months of a relationship when the relationship really is not solid — it's exploratory!

Why is he waiting for me to text first? ›

He might be shy.

Ask yourself if he's more quiet and introverted. If so, he might just prefer to let someone else make the first move. If you know he texts a lot, he's probably not shy about it. However, there could be another reason that's holding him back.

What to do when he stops initiating contact? ›

Maintain boundaries. If you've chosen to initiate contact, keep a healthy distance and pace, and maintain boundaries. If he stops responding to your texts/calls then you know he's not interested. But until then, keep being you and showing him that you're genuinely interested in getting to know him.

How do I get him to text me first? ›

How To Get a Guy to Text You First – 10 Tips To Make Him Text You...
  1. Don't Be Always Available. Get a life if you don't have one. ...
  2. Give Him A Reason. Why would anyone text anybody without a reason? ...
  3. Find Out If He Likes Texting. ...
  4. Don't Text Him. ...
  5. Have Fun With Him. ...
  6. Make Him Remember You. ...
  7. Meet His Friends. ...
  8. Let Him Know.
May 29, 2022

How to make a guy miss you? ›

10 proven ways to make a guy miss you
  1. Deliberately leave things behind. ...
  2. Give him some personal space. ...
  3. Make him wait before replying his texts. ...
  4. Take things slow. ...
  5. Wear a unique perfume. ...
  6. Add some mystery to your experiences together. ...
  7. Have adventures with him (and your friends)
Jan 18, 2018

Why do guys take forever to text back or they don't text back at all? ›

But you shouldn't take it personally as there could be many reasons behind your guy not texting you back for extended periods. For instance, he might be busy at work or in the personal sphere, hoping that you would text him first, doesn't want to sound needy, or is simply not good with virtual communication.

When should I stop waiting for him? ›

If you're tired of waiting for him to realize how much he loves you and commit to you; if you're tired of having your life pass you by, then you should move on. What is this? Find someone who wants the same things you want. If you're looking for a serious relationship, then don't waste your time on him.

How long is too long for a guy to not text you? ›

Waiting 2–3 days or up to a week before reaching out gives him a chance to text you first once he realizes what he's missing. If you've waited more than a week and still haven't heard back from him, it might be time to move on.

Why do guys wait for you to text them first? ›

He might think that waiting for you to text him first is a safer option. The thing is, some men are shy are starting a conversation – but if you want this relationship to happen, you may need to help him along. He's afraid of doing the first move as there could be fears of rejection in him.

What does it mean when a guy doesn t initiate conversation? ›

Sometimes he is hesitant to initiate conversations because of a previous relationship. Maybe he was cheated on by a partner or was in an abusive relationship. Due to the toxic past relationship influence, he may be protective of his feelings in the present and this may lead him to avoid any initiated interactions.

Should he always text first in the beginning? ›

Should the guy text me first every time? No, you should try to reach out first about 50% of the time. There's no need to wait by the phone and hope that the guy you're dating reaches out. Everything in your relationship should be equal, and that includes texting.

How do guys text when they like you? ›

In conclusion, if he likes you, he will text you. How guys text you when they like you varies, but some are consistent. For example, a guy will ask many questions about you, text first, compliment you, send emojis, make you laugh, find reasons to talk to you, and give hints for a date.

How long should I wait for him to text me before giving up? ›

A week gives the person enough time to thoughtfully respond.

Even though it's a little old-fashioned, some people will wait 3 days after a date to text you back to make you miss them more. Waiting any longer than a week could be a sign they're not interested, and it might be best to let the conversation die out.

Why am I always the one reaching out? ›

If you are the one who is constantly reaching out (i.e., you always text or call first) and they are not reciprocating your efforts, this could be a signal that you are in a one-sided friendship. Action Tip: Go through your phone and list the top 10 people you communicate with every month.

How do you tell if the guy your talking to is losing interest? ›

5 signs that he is losing interest or are you overthinking it?
  1. Phone calls and texts have steadily decreased. ...
  2. Quality time together has started to dwindle. ...
  3. Intimacy has become scarce. ...
  4. Things are becoming increasingly one-sided. ...
  5. He dodges questions about your status or where it is going.

Is he interested if he keeps the conversation going? ›

One great test of whether a guy likes you is to observe whether he keeps making attempts to pick up the conversation even if it looks like it's running dry. He may stumble around as he finds ways to keep asking questions, but it's a blatant signal that he's trying to keep you interested in what he has to say.

Is texting everyday too clingy? ›

Excessive Texting

For instance, texting non-stop could indicate that one partner is clingy and needy and feeling insecure in the relationship. While this is usually only harmful to the person doing the excessive texting, it can be smothering to the person on the receiving end.

What guys do when they like you? ›

22 Subtle Signs A Guy Likes You, From Dating Experts
  • He leans toward you during conversation. ...
  • He angles his body toward you in the room. ...
  • He finds small ways to compliment you. ...
  • He makes eye contact. ...
  • He steals a glance at you. ...
  • He singles you out in a group. ...
  • He seems drawn to you in the room.
Nov 26, 2021

How do you know if someone is into you? ›

Here are the typical signs someone is attracted to you:
  1. They lean in.
  2. They tilt their head as you speak (a sign of engagement).
  3. They smile at you.
  4. They make eye contact with you.
  5. They reach out and touch your arm, hand, back, or leg.
Jul 13, 2016

How do you know if he only sees you as a friend? ›

He doesn't give you eye contact

When a man is attracted to a woman, he won't be able to keep his eyes off her, even if he is borderline staring. And when you share eye contact with someone, chemistry starts to form. If he only sees you as a friend, he won't be looking at you very often.


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